life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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