i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
