she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'd cum for enchiladas.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
