Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
