my mouth tastes like poor choices
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
