I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
