Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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