omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
