theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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