that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
