i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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