haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
