I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
