guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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