well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
