how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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