textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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