alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
