this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
