at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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