I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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