is your mom at the bar?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize