apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
