Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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