The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
