Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
