I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.