shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.