Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!