I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
19 Groupies Confess What It’s Really Like To Hook Up With Famous Rockstars
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.