it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
