how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
