So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
