Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
