Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
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after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
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Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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