worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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