Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
