i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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