i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
