Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
