I accidentally burped into my bong.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
