I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
