she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
