Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
