would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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