He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
