so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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