there's paper in my vomit.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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