a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
