I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
