i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
