It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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