Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
