Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
