She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I just forgot I was standing up.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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