I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Just pee around me
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
