I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
