Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Hippo gnu deer
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You pole danced in your parka.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
