i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
