Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
