I just made out with a guy for $7.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
