Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
