If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
