Umm I'm too high to move.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
