I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
