apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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