I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
