Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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