Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
