is your mom at the bar?
Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
