After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
