hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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