Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
